so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This house was built for laser tag.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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