she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
