My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
