Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
a search helicopter?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
