somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
