Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
