weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
