You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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