I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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