Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
