i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
