We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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