3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
