Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
