So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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