I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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