I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
