Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
