Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
