Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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