Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How naked do you want me to be?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
