Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
