I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
