I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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