Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
