alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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