you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
