i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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