i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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