C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
