i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
