i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
