Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
