I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
