My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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