I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
