Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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