This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
