Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
