she looked like the before picture.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
