I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
