I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
