they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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