I need to stop coming to work sober
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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