You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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