When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
