I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's like iHOP with fire
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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