she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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