I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
