I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
