it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
