know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
