Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
