Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
